need another drink. this is the easiest way
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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