I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
