i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
