so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
