Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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