at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
