I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
