i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
