Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
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Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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