i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
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Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
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I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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