mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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