Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
