We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
pray to the hookup gods
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
