it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
