so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
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my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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