The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
