My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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