It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We are two peas in an std pod
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Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
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I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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