Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
