am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just want nice things and good sex
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
