I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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