I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
