I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
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We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
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I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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