just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
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She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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