med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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