i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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