she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
