We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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