Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
