plz talk dirty to me
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
