Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
