she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
