i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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