And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
