so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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