I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
