just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
