Plan B is the new Plan A
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
