My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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