She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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