I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
