oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
