i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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