Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
