After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
