Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
