Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I pour the whiskey from now on
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
