great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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