check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
