Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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