if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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