all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
