Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
