You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Someone signed my nipple.
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