Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Randomize
