I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
