I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
