So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
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This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
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He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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