Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Is Oprah even human
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
