Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
