Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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