My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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